the spa treatment

Wednesday (12/21)

We got up at 8:15am so we could leave by quarter til. We needed enough time to take an in-city bus to the main station so we could make the Egged. While we were waiting, Limor bought a newspaper for 1 sheqel. The Egged brought back memories of my Birthright trip, because it was the same kind of bus.

The trip took about an hour or so, during which we realized we could have gotten on at a station next to her university, and enjoyed the sights of the desert (washed out arroyos, bedouin "cities"). Upon arrival at the hotel where we were going to enjoy our spa treatment, we noticed a cat with blue eyes. After making many exclamations about its genetic abnormality, and taking several pictures, a local girl told us the eyes were blue because of cataracts. We immediately felt embarrased, like we had been exclaiming over a cripple "wow cool you have to use a chair with wheels!"

We checked into the Crown Royal Hotel at 11am, had a look around, and headed downstairs to the spa to start our treatment. Unfortunately, the staff had made a mistake and set our appointment for 12pm. So, with our hour to kill, we changed into swimwear and wandered around outside on the hotel's private beach. It was very, very hot outside, so I was running around shirtless in shorts (yes, four days before xmas I could do that). I should have gone right in to the Dead Sea, but the water felt a little chilly, so instead Limor and I sat in the sun on the outdoor pool deck and watched the hotel staff attempt to get old people to jazzercise. One moderately old dude with man-boobs took it upon himself to help out the entertainers by standing right next to them and mimicking (well, trying to anyway) their actions. So it was pretty funny watching this 50+ year old guy flappin' his arms next to a fifteen-year old girl in a miniskirt and a twenty-year old guy in an 80's jumpsuit.

Noon rolled around, so we started the first part of our spa treatment - a forty-minute oil bath. I wasn't sure what to expect, but it was pretty mundane - Limor and I just sat in a tiny jacuzzi that had been liberally dowsed with scented oils. For future reference, don't stay in for longer than ten or fifteen minutes. We got bored after five, but stayed the entire time, and we got out dehydrated and groggy.

Then came the highly-anticipated forty-minute massage. Two Eastern-European women came in and told us to lie down on the special massage tables, which are basically boards with holes in them for your face. They then proceeded to methodically work just about the entire body, except for the sections that mommy said Uncle Jimmy isn't supposed to touch. I managed to stay awake the entire time, and I think next time I'll ask them to concentrate more on the hands and feet.

Then the ladies filed out, and we dressed for a hotel lunch. I've gotta say, parve desserts suck. That's my only beef with the country, is that they don't serve milk and meat together in most places (damn you religion!) Breakfast is by convention dairy, and dinner and usually lunch are meat. So the food was good, but nothing is more disappointing that sampling a fine-looking dessert tray, only to find that the cheesecakes aren't really cheesecake. Oh well. Maybe working off that meal with a swim in the Dead Sea will cheer us up.

Back outside, we tried to decide whether we wanted to leave "early" at 4:15pm, or stay later until after 6pm. At first I thought I'd want to wander up and down the shoreline, so we should stay late, but then we decided to play it safe and be ready by 4pm.

So the temperature had cooled somewhat by 2pm. I could no longer saunter, shirtless and carefree, in the early-spring-like weather. Swimming seemed more like a Polar-Bear Club activity at this point, but I figured if I came all this way, I shouldn't waste the opportunity.

Oh, yes, I forgot to say that I didn't bring a real bathing suit with me (because why would you swim in December?), but I did bring a pair of quick-dry, dark-blue, brief-style underwear. So in true European form I stripped down to my briefs and waded in. Normally I wouldn't have been so self-conscious, but there was an American family right next to us.

After paddling around a bit, I started to warm up, or at least get so numb that the cold didn't bother me. The Dead Sea is so much fun - it's gotta be one of the weirdest feelings to float unaided. I wanted Limor to enjoy the sensation as well, so I thought it would be a good idea to try out the heated pool of Dead Sea water inside. Ahhhh...I wish I'd have done that first, and instead of the oil bath...it was as close to perfect relaxation as I could ever imagine. I would say that it was like being cradled in the womb, but I don't really remember what that was like. The water was warm, but not hot, and we were perfectly bouyant. As long as I didn't brush the wall of the pool, I could imagine that I was just a disembodied brain, a floating (ha) personality, since every part of my body felt exactly the same.

But, because the Dead Sea is so salty, if you have any cuts or scrapes they start to sting pretty quickly. I didn't feel anything, but Limor did, so we got out after a little bit and tried out the jacuzzi. Eh, jacuzzi...how can anything as mundane as a jacuzzi excite me after the warm pool? I am forever a broken man.

Then it was about time to go, so we rinsed off in these glass-walled showers right in the middle of the pool area (a very embarassing thing to do), changed, and left the hotel to search for the bus stop. Due to some road construction, we had to find another place to catch the bus. While we were wandering around, we came across the public beach where I went during Birthright - so of course I had to run over and look around, trying to recapture the feelings from almost two years ago.

During the bus ride back, Limi dozed, I read a book and enjoyed the sights in reverse. We got off at the University station, walked back. We were so dead-tired I could have fallen asleep right then, but we were icky with minerals and needed a shower. Then we were hungry, so I had some leftover fatut (still just as good the second day). And for the first time in a while, I had some sort of contact with the US when I was lucky enough to catch my roommate Mark on IM.

I had a series of very strange dreams that night, possibly a combination of total exhaustion and greasy food. I can't remember them now, but suffice to say if i've ever told you my dreams before, they're at least that detailed and weird.